Questioning Friendship

I can’t figure out what to do about a friend of mine.  We share lots of interests and hang out occasionally, but I don’t really feel like the mutual caring of friendship exists between us.  I feel like our friendship is only on the surface.  In fact, to hear her talk, it doesn’t seem like she really has any genuine friendships.  I feel like friendship should involve caring, concern, and mutual thoughtfulness.  This friend of mine seems more concerned with tearing me down in front of others to make herself look better or feel better.  I am not sure if this behavior stems from insecurity or threat, but it is incredibly hurtful to me.  I feel like our friendship is a crossroads, at least from my perspective, because I can either keep going and say nothing or I can drop the bomb and see what happens.  One of my concerns is that I will lose what I consider to be the only person in my life right now who has similar interests and tastes.  My other concern is that I hurt her.  I don’t have a lot of friends who I regularly spend time with outside of work or other social networks.  I also haven’t found anyone else who shares as many common interests with me.  Is having someone to hang out with worth maintaining an empty friendship?

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Evolution…of sorts

I am going through something.  I still feel like me, but I feel like I am more in control of my life than any other time before.  I am making better decisions, controlling my emotions, and righting past wrongs.  On the outside it looks like I am changing my wardrobe and redecorating my house, but on the inside I am trying to be a better person, simplify my life, and strengthen my relationships – starting with my marriage.  I have not been good to my husband.  I have not been the considerate, compromising partner that I should have been these past 9 years.  I have been selfish, overly-emotional, and taken him for granted.  I am working everyday to be the partner he deserves.  It isn’t always easy, but it is completely worth it.  Things are going great.  I have purged lots of unnecessary objects,  whittled down my wardrobe to only what I love and wear regularly.  I have committed to not buying new things unless they have a purpose or a pre-planned space.  I have also edited decor items to maximize impact and simplify cleaning.  I have also discovered that I can change out decor items seasonally, or on a whim, to achieve a fresh look without spending money.  There have been lots of other smaller changes too.

There is always room for improvement, so my journey will continue.  It is a great feeling to improve one’s self, especially in a way that can be sustained.

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