Already?

I am amazed at how quickly we get in to Christmas mode. It seems like someone throws a switch after Halloween and everyone starts operating differently – decorations must be put up, meals must be planned, and presents must be purchased. Growing up, it seemed like I didn’t even think of Christmas unil it started to snow, and the Advent Calendar was pulled out of storage. Is it just me, or is it moving further back every year? I have seen Christmas lights on people’s houses already! It seems like I just put mine away a few months ago.

I guess the other part of this is that I am not looking forward to the holidays without my mom. Maybe I am just not ready to think about Christmas, and what it will be like without her around. I never could have imagined Christmas without the center of our family, but I have to. I am in a total daze about what to do this year – should I host everything, should I leave it to someone else, will I feel like celebrating with family? I don’t want to think about it, but I realize that I will have to. I have such mixed feelings about the whole thing.

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